Conflict changes a person

Today’s quote from Don Miller’s A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, goes back to quoting Robert McKee, an expert in “story”. See “Jump in the Story (or be pushed)” for more on Robert McKee. Miller is listening to a speech by McKee:

He got louder. “Writing a story isn’t about making your peaceful fantasies come true. The whole point of the story is the character arc. You didn’t think joy could change a person, did you? Joy is what you feel when the conflict is over. But, it’s conflict that changes a person.”

His voice was like thunder now. “You put your characters through hell. You put them through hell. That’s the only way we change.”

Even as I think through my own story, I sometimes get caught up in the fun and exciting parts…the risk, the reward. I get pumped up when I think about telling a story with my life. But, it’s not always the fun stuff that really makes it a story. Often times, even most times, it’s pain that makes our story better. Conflict gives our story the interesting twist. We hate to hear stories of those born with silver spoons in their mouths – but we LOVE the story of the guy who started in poverty and now is the ultimate success. We assume the “silver spoon” guy didn’t have to do much to get what he has; but the other guy, that guy worked hard, took some risks, overcame conflict, and ultimately became a success.

It’s never easy, though, to see the positive when you’re in the middle of the conflict. It’s much easier to look back at it. I’ve tried to start thinking of conflict as an opportunity instead of barrier. It totally changes things. Not only does this give me a better perspective on the conflict now; but I also think it will allow me to recognize how the conflict created change when I look back on it years from now.

If you’re going through some conflict, remember…”That’s the only way we change.”